You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.