New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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