I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈