So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.