the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂