i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize