I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
