I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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