I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
