It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
