true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
