mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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