okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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