Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
