You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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