yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
