Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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