I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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