I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
