Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
