I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
