Michael Bay diarrhea
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize