i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
