My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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