he wants to bone in the snuggie
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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