I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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