im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
