It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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