he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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