Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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