You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize