Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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