I heard we made out
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
