just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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