Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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