Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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