An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
