I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
