I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
