How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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