All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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