I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize