so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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