Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
