Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
