the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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