the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
