The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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