fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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