Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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