He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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