Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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