Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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