our cab driver is having phone sex.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
