We're like a lot better than the average bears
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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