You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
