Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You made out with two different species that night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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