I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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