is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
