I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
