8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
