End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
