my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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