i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
