There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
