They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
