i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
