I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
