I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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