my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
