his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
