If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
