Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
