aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
worst night to have a conscience
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
