Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
