shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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