You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize