I accidentally burped into my bong.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
