how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
