I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
