Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.