THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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