I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
