I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.