New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
